My body has often been my burden.
I was a healthy child, but when I started diving deeper into spirituality in my early twenties, my body responded with strange and sometimes devastating symptoms that nothing and no one could “heal” (and I desperately tried just about everything/everyone).
Once, when I was seeing a(nother) high-caliber healer, she stretched her hands towards my aching belly and then abruptly pulled them back, stating: “I can’t touch This.”
She had enough sensitivity (and humility) to realize what many other healers I tried, didn’t.
That Incarnation is an Inside Job.
And it often requires remembering when and why we decided not to come Home. Here. And that kind of Remembering is up to the Soul and the Soul alone.
Over the past 5 years, I’ve begun to Remember.
I Remember when Love first called/conceived me into a physical body.
And I (briefly) felt what it was like to be a distinct incarnation of Divine Love on this planet.
However, not long after my Soul consciousness embraced my fetus form, shit got real…
Badder than bad.
Hell, I’ll call it what it felt like from this dimension (and the dimension directly next to us) – evil, getting the upper hand.
I experienced the murder of my father from the womb of my mother.
In that dark, confusing, and isolating space,
I cut my own umbilical cord to Life…
and floated away from my flesh…
to what I thought was a safer space, a more “spiritual” space, a space that would protect me from what happens when you claim a body on this planet.
I floated outside my human bodies for 2000 years.
And while my disembodiment served a purpose, it severed me from my own.
For as cliché as this sounds to those who know betta:
We cannot Be Who We Are and Do What We Are Here To Do without embodying our Soul.
This time round, I’m finally strong enough to face my past actions, take responsibility for my choices, locate and free my Soul’s many fragments and gently usher them Home.
But not to a home I’ve been taught about or read about or prayed about or meditated on or transcended or blissed out about or been non-attached too,
But to a Body that demands I be fiercely attached to
To a Body that feels enormous pain and incredible pleasure and every in between.
To a Body that is the forgotten Key to It All.
Now, I realize that “embodiment” is a common catch phrase these days, a spiritually-correct caress against our lotus-posed bodies, but I’m also realizing that embodiment is beyond what most of us can conceive…
because most of us haven’t conceived our Selves in our cells.
In fact, from my Lady’s perspective, Organic Incarnation has rarely happened on this planet (for reasons that are both fucked up and pitch perfect).
Most of us – no matter our modern spiritual beliefs, our therapeutic acuity, our somatic release practices, our feminist booty-bumping bra-less reclamations, our flowy feathery Goddess websites/retreats/coaching calls, our sacred sexuality woo wa wee wow, our girl-gone-naked romps in the scattered leaves of the Fall’s mistaken freedom – are newcomers to this multidimensional process of Incarnation.
So, while I can talk about the importance of embodiment and the sacredness of the body and blah blah blah like the best of em, the truth is, I have no fucking clue how to Incarnate my Distinct Divine Being into my human flesh.
But my Lady does.
(and your Soul does)
The other day in my red tent, She gave me another Teaching.
Every human body I have ever had on this planet came forward.
And My Lady bent down in front of each one
with a kind of
that felt like it came from the swollen Belly of Love Itself.
When She was done, She turned to me and fiercely stated:
“ANY spiritual belief/practice/teacher/book/program that does NOT treat your Body in this Way is not coming from Organic Truth and will NEVER bring you Home.
Sera, the ONLY Way Home is Through Your Body.”
More than the words or actions, the raging Truth of what transpired caused me to fall to my freckled knees in my current form.
A few hours later, I felt a familiar painful physical symptom arise, I felt the energies of Ferguson, ebola, the climate change, poverty, sex slavery – the reality of life on this planet right now,
and I wanted to float away, again.
And, I humbly realized that I might not be strong enough to fully Incarnate in this lifetime,
but heart-beat by heart-beat,
I’m still going to do my damn best to answer Love’s Call.