Cosmic Shadows Go BOO! PART ONE
This is a two-part blog post about some “freaky shit” that happened to me a few years ago. I’m sharing what happened because I know I’m not the only one who experiences these kinds of things (“freaky shit” is the new normal) and I sense that the more we share these kinds of experiences from a transparent and compassionate space, the more we can all learn, evolve and serve each other and this planet.
A REDMINDER: Energetic truth is often stranger than fiction – hell, even science fiction – and much harder for our intelligent and especially “spiritual” minds to reconcile. It’s taken me years (and I’ll venture to say lifetimes) of going through some extraordinarily painful and downright dangerous experiences, before I finally began to take what I’m about to share with you as seriously as I should and not just brush it off as an ego defense, projection or delusion. But here’s the great thing about truth: It leaks through even the tiniest cracks, no matter what dimension it comes from. All we need to do is stay open and be fiercely discerning.
First, I gotta set the stage before I tell you the story:
Most of us agree that shadow work is extremely important, but in my experience, cosmic (or energetic) shadow work is equally important and a whole other messy multidimensional enchilada, and unfortunately, something many conscious people don’t know about or refuse to acknowledge. In fact, I’ve noticed that those with the largest cosmic shadows are often the most “spiritual” in appearance. Myself included. So, here’s a clue about knowing your cosmic shadow if you’re a spiritual person trying to do good in the world: our cosmic shadows often “do” the exact opposite of what we are passionate about “doing” here.
Alrighty then, while both the psychological and cosmic shadows are interrelated and hidden from our conscious minds, the cosmic shadow is more energetic in nature and consists of a vast collection of past-life and cosmic experiences, thoughts, feelings, reactions and actions, many of which we’ve judged as “wrong” or “evil” and so shoved into the shady corners of our cosmic being, where they reside as concealed, yet still highly active aspects of us.
In fact, besides certain behaviors we exhibit that stem from our cosmic shadow, the cosmic shadow often forms into a seemingly separate multidimensional “being” (with a cosmic ego) that rides on the coattails of our “lighted” being (thus disguising itself by appearing or acting quite spiritual) and affects all those around us just as strongly.
I expose my own cosmic shadow being (aka my “false” Red Lady) at the end of Red Hot and Holy because part of my dharma (and karma) involves offering my Self and my Work publicly this time round, and I want you (the public) to know Her and be aware of Her as I am now. Much like psychological shadows, cosmic shadows lose their power once we know, accept and embrace them and stay devoted to unflinching self-inquiry in all realms.
But, until we are willing to see and accept our cosmic shadow, they act out, and being cosmic and all, they can deliver severe blows – to ourselves and others.
So, in this two-part blog post, I’m going to share with you two experiences I’ve had with someone else’s cosmic shadow. Again, I want to be clear that we’ve all got cosmic shadows. My false Red Lady has done devastating damage in the past that I’m still making amends for. This isn’t about blame or shame, judgment or demonizing, or being right or wrong. This is about educating ourselves, opening our monochrome spiritual lenses and respecting the colorful and complex realities swirling around inside each of us, and swirling around this magnificently multidimensional Universe.
Ok, story time.
On the day I held a private gathering on the east coast a few years ago, I canceled all my previously-made plans because I sensed the need to stay rested and protected in my beautiful hotel room so I could best serve the extraordinary Souls who were coming that evening.
However, I did leave my rose-filled sanctuary for 30 minutes to eat and visit with a few friends. During that brief time, a male friend asked me a few questions and said a few things to me and all the while I could see something different in his eyes and feel something strange in my body, but didn’t think much about it till I got back to my hotel room where my body started shaking uncontrollably.
When I checked in, I could see an ancient wound in me had re-opened due to an energetic exchange that happened between an unconscious and energetic part of this man (his cosmic shadow) and myself (wounds are magnets for cosmic shadows).
What was this particular wound in me that attracted a blow from this man’s cosmic shadow?
Doubting my spiritual reality, unique experiences, and distinct divine expression.
This wound was created because I have not been strong enough in my past to stand up for my Soul and my truth against immense resistance. The Universe has given me many chances to heal this wound as reality has continued to reflect my doubt back to me by having others continuously tell me – overtly, but more often than not, covertly – that my spiritual experiences, expression, and reality are wrong, sometimes evil, but most often: “not as evolved/enlightened” as the dominant spiritual (often patriarchal) cultures surrounding me (be they traditional religions, mystical sects, intellectual theories, mainstream spiritual trends, indigenous groups, new age paradigms).
This man’s cosmic shadow on this particular sunny day wordlessly communicated to me that who I am and what I do is not as important as who he is and what he does and since I have no spiritual tradition, regular practice, teacher or lineage, I have no true power.
To be crystal clear: this is the last thing this good-hearted spiritual man consciously thinks about me or would ever say to me (or anyone). I’m doing my best to describe an ultra-subtle multidimensional shadow exchange the man wasn’t and still probably isn’t aware happened (most of us aren’t). Hell, I wasn’t even consciously aware this undercover exchange had happened until I returned to the safety and privacy of my hotel room and my body alerted me that some serious shit had gone down while I was haphazardly eating my free-range chicken and artesian cheese.
Now, my choices that first created and continue to reopen this wound are my responsibility. And, if this Self-doubt was healed in me I wouldn’t have attracted this situation to learn from it, or if it still presented itself, I wouldn’t have even blinked but continued calmly eating my chicken while being fully aware of what was going down… and ok, maybe giving my cosmic finger to his cosmic shadow. And while these two posts are NOT about being a victim, all of you who have read Red Hot Holy know that this energetic exchange would be a mac daddy for me to work with at any point in my journey, but experiencing this a few hours before I was to be gently facilitating an event where I have to rely entirely on my own reality, truth, Lady, and lineage in order to authentically serve the participants, was, well, the perfect storm.
After working compassionately with my wound and taking responsibility for my own part in this cosmic showdown (including acknowledging how my wound has created an unhealthy need to prove myself to the very spiritual people and spiritual systems that think I’m “less than” them), my Lady told me to grab my iPod and hit shuffle.
The first song that played was “Doubt” from Peter Gabriel’s soundtrack of Martin Scorsese’s controversial film, “The Last Temptation of Christ.”
Oh, how the Divine knows how to DJ.
I sat still, listened to the haunting music, and felt every cell in my body fill and fill and fill with Doubt.
The song that immediately followed (my iPod still on “shuffle”) was oddly from the exact same soundtrack and film, called “A Different Drum.”
I didn’t have time to think. My Lady roared: MOVE!!!
My bodysoulheart tore loose and began to call on every source of Organic Life in this Universe,
up from the earth and down from the sky and meeting It in the middle where
We All Moved Together.
I crawled through mud and meteor showers, slithered through oceans and black holes, climbed mountains and spinning planets, soared through fresh air and deep space. Granite and galaxies, soil and stars, snakes and lionesses, moss and mystery poured into and out of me as did every Being who has ever walked this tightrope of fire between what has been dictated to us on (and off) this planet as “spiritual truth” (aka the spiritual matrix) and the Living Truth that comes from the very core of the Universe ItSelf and is planted deep inside each and every one of us….waiting, aching, begging to be released….
I twisted and turned, contracted and expanded, jumped and squatted.
I spat, I hissed, I growled,
and I grew
that I was able to grab my Truth and shake that cosmic shadow’s spiked collar right off of It.
And then, once again, I Knew,
(and still KNOW)
that I have every right to my own spiritual reality.
that I have every right to offer it to others (with no subtle strings attached)
that I AM fully supported by a lineage,
and not just any “spiritual lineage,”
but the Original Spiritual Lineage:
The Lineage of Life.
(and the same goes for You…)
Then I went to the gathering where another force came through this same man… and nearly buried me.