(if you haven’t read Part 1 posted first, please do so).
Now I’m going to take this freaky but incredibly important topic a step further.
In this cosmic context, there’s yet another reason why psychological and cosmic shadow work is so important: so we don’t become unknowing doorways to, uh, er, other “devils.” Besides our own cosmic shadows that can act out and bitch slap other humans in their most tender of parts, from my perspective and based on my experience, there are also malevolent or “oppositional” forces present in this Universe whose easiest access to us and to others is via our shadows.
Before I go on, I realize I might have just lost some (or many) of you. Many spiritually-conscious, intellectual, psychologically-sophisticated, or new-agey, or “We’re all One” nondualist-type peeps don’t believe in the existence of trans-human oppositional forces that work against us (and through us), and I understand and respect all these related perspectives and experiences.
While yes, ultimately, on the deepest or highest dimensions of this Universe we’re all Love and Light and singing Kumbaya together, if we bypass/ignore/reject the lower dimensional realities we also inhabit, we bypass/ignore/reject significant parts of our Selves and this Universe. And I dunno about you, but that doesn’t sound very Whole or Holy to me.
In my line of Life and Work I simply cannot afford to be ignorant of oppositional forces. I’ve had too many experiences and now have too much respect for their very real and very necessary roles in this Universe…and ultimately how they are serving our evolution in ways “the light” can’t.
If I viewed myself as “crazy” or “woo woo” or treated my experiences with these forces as purely projections or symptomatic of “a lower level of consciousness,” well, I’d be fucked, and unable to serve you and this planet in the most conscious, clear, and loving ways possible.
Spiritual author Caroline Myss says the cleverest way “evil” works is by making us believe it doesn’t exist and is ONLY a projection or a product of our human psyche. Mystics throughout time have left us a bloody paper trail recounting vivid experiences of these oppositional forces. In fact, the extraordinary 20th century Italian mystic Padre Pio writes about doing hand-to-hand physical combat with nefarious nonhuman beings on a regular basis. The brilliant St. Theresa of Avila reads so matter-of-fact about these external malevolent forces that I imagine she would think WE are the crazy ones NOT to acknowledge their precise and purposeful presence in this Universe.
In other words, if you’re devoted to incarnating Divine Love on earth, you will be made aware of Love’s opposite – both inside yourself and outside yourself, both on this dimension and others. It’s part of the gig.
And while oppositional forces are varied and Universal, they can also be singular and incredibly personal. Sacred Activist and Oxford scholar, Andrew Harvey, firmly believes that we are each sent to earth with a “guardian angel” and a “karmic assassin.”
I’m very familiar with my own “karmic assassin.” I remember the first time we crossed cosmic paths outside of linear time and I will never forget it’s first attempt to “assassinate” my Soul when I was in the womb of my mother on this day 2000 years ago. In some ways, it did “assassinate” part of my soul that day and I am only now coming back together and coming back to Life. This post is one example of me doing this.
Point is, we’ve spent every lifetime together and I’m as familiar with this Force (and it’s energetic fingerprint) as it is of me (it knows all of my fears, doubts and “weaknesses” and constantly seeks new ways to destabilize me), and while I have had closure with this Force and it cannot reach me directly anymore, it can reach me via other people, by “riding” their shadows and totally catching me off guard.
Which is exactly what happened at the end of my gathering years ago on the east coast, via the same man whose shadows helped detonate my internal doubt bomb a few hours before the event.
During Soul gatherings, we as a group enter a very subtle, very sacred, very raw and real soul-space together where every shift we make is completely guided by our Souls and offered to all of humanity. As a gentle facilitator, I do my best to honor and take guidance solely from the extraordinary Souls present and the only way for me to do that is to incarnate multiple dimensions of my own Soul, my Lady. I become a livewire of Feminine Feeling and Feminine Gnosis (as does the space and as do many of the participants if they so choose to incarnate more of their own unique Soul).
It has taken me an extraordinary amount of Work to begin to reintegrate my fragmented Soul and begin to publicly offer this organic Way of Being of Service on this planet. In fact, the last time I attempted to Serve in this way 2000 years ago, my karmic assassin posing as a male friend (and a friend to my lineage) told me he wanted to offer me protection, and with my somewhat confused agreement, he lead me to an underground room, locked the door behind me, and left me there to die in the dark – burying not only me, but an energetic stream of my feminine lineage. He then went out into the light of the world taking the wisdom of my lineage, but using it to feed his own spiritual identity and ego and assert his dominance.
But back to this present life. After 5 hours working with each beloved Soul and human personality in the room, a very potent Sacred Feminine space had been cultivated and co-created between us all, and there were only two people left to share their Souls with us – one of them being this male friend.
Immediately when he stood up to share, I felt a shift in the room. While his words and intention were meaningful and good, the energetic difference between a human sharing from their Soul and a human sharing partly from their spiritual ego is palpable.
While I could sense that this man was not fully connected to his Soul, but to something else, I still wanted to give him the chance to offer something to the room (as each human and Soul did before him) and sensed there was a need to honor the Divine Masculine in the room, which he was rightly bringing to our attention. So, with my nod, this man sprung into the center of the room and asked all the men to join him.
Then, almost immediately, this man energetically cut me and my Lady off and proceeded to “take charge” and dominate the room energetically. This man dared to dominate a Sacred Feminine Space that was not for anyone – including me – to dominate. While this was not his conscious intention and it was a super-subtle physical act that the participants might not have noticed, the energetic disrespect felt sword-like…and ancient…and oh so very familiar.
After a moment of shock, I felt my Lady want to help him connect more consciously with his Soul so he could re-align with the energy of the space, so I walked over to him and pressed Her hand into his incredibly armored chest. All I could feel was Divine Fire coming through my eyes. All I could feel was Divine Love coming through my hand. And this man’s armor didn’t budge. So I dropped Her hand, and luckily the other Souls in the room were able to turn the situation into a graceful offering from the Feminine to the Masculine.
But when it was time to close this beautiful group offering, this man re-instated his energetic dominance once again, and stated he had something else to share.
Every cell in my body cringed (and I later found out others had a similar reaction), but again, I wanted to give this good-hearted man and my friend, the benefit of my doubt. He said that he knew I had never experienced genuine male protection and that he was getting the hit that I should come stand in the center of the circle of all the men present so I could experience it now.
That’s when I again felt a familiar confusing cosmic energy present: A powerful spiritually-influential masculine presence who says all the right supportive “spiritual” things to me/the Feminine, but energetically does the exact opposite to me/the Feminine.
But, it was too late. My past crashed into my present. My body went numb with trauma. And, I found myself almost involuntarily entering the circle of men with their backs turned to me (the dark underground room created to “protect me”) and I felt “him” close the door, attempting to bury me and my feminine lineage in the dark so he could be seen as “the light of the world.” Again.
It’s taken me years of vigilant self-inquiry, loud divine winks, and incredible external support from dear friends (who are quite familiar with this particular energetic force) to understand that I had been hit by my karmic assassin through the power-hungry cosmic shadow of this well-intentioned spiritual man.
Another man present that evening – a shaman – later told me that when my friend stated “I have another download” the shaman wanted to verbally stop him because he could sense the energy coming through my friend was all wrong, but the shaman didn’t want to dominate the space or interfere with my dharma. So, instead, he called in every protector force he knew in the Universe to help me when I was stuck in the center. I know that if this shaman did not do that, the evening might not have ended well. So, the sweet irony was, I did get to experience genuine masculine protection…but it came to “protect me” FROM the energy coming through the very man who tried to offer me this experience. A classic case of cosmic shadow paradox and a good human getting hijacked by a malevolent force.
The hardest part for me to recover from was that after 5 hours of being a fierce advocate for – and protector of – everyone else’s Soul in that room, I didn’t speak up for or protect my own Soul. And, I didn’t hold onto the Divinely Feminine Space I was entrusted to hold. I briefly let Her authentic power go and submitted to a false masculine “spiritual” power and presence. And, I let an ancient shadowy energy have its way with me again.
Some of this happened because this man is a dear friend and a respected spiritual presence and so I was totally caught off guard, some of this happened because I worried pointing it out would “sound crazy” to some of the participants (this man said all the right things and clearly had good intentions) and it would disrupt the lovely group Soul synergy, which was thankfully still potent at this point. Some of this happened because my body went into trauma and my own wounds and issues with the false masculine arose. Some of this happened because my nemesis -self-doubt- reared her dreadlocked head and all my karmic knots tightened into a noose.
But simply put: I let something happen that I had the power to stop.
Now, years later, I can say without one trace of spiritual sap: I’m grateful for the experience and for my karmic assassin coming through the shadow of my unsuspecting friend. These forces continue to show me my blind spots, reveal what needs to be worked on, and teach me what I need to do in the next round. I’m a slow learner, but I’m fully devoted to learning.
I couldn’t stand up for my Soul publicly that night, but I am now. And I’m doing so publicly because I hope with all my red hot and holy heart that something in these two freaky posts makes you pause and take seriously your own shadows – both psychological and cosmic – and the oppositional forces that ride them.
I’m going to repeat a paragraph I used in Part I on this topic: “Again, I want to be clear that we’ve all got cosmic shadows (and we’ve all carried oppositional forces towards others through our shadows). My cosmic shadow has done devastating damage in the past that I’m still making amends for. This isn’t about blame or shame, judgment or demonizing, or being right or wrong. This is about educating ourselves, opening our monochrome spiritual lenses and respecting the colorful and complex realities swirling around inside each of us, and swirling around this magnificently multidimensional Universe.”
Look, we can all sense that the veils are super thin these days. We’re in this freaky territory whether we like it (or believe in it) or not, and we are all being asked to take responsibility for our actions and energies on multiple planes of existence.
And in my opinion, the best One to help us do so is our non-judgmental Soul and the nonjudgmental Souls of those around us. The Soul Sees and Holds all internal and external dualities together with Love. It ain’t scared of the dark. It’s our Ultimate Guide to the furthest reaches of our Self and this Universe. And, It knows how our awareness of these inner and outer realms unfolds organically.
You cannot (and should not) force yourself to see your unconscious shadows or cosmic shadow, but you can right here and right now, tell your Soul with It’s fierce discernment, compassion, organic timing and supportive guidance, that you are ready…
And to wield a compassionate sword across this entire Universe when need be.
Thank you for reading and learning, growing and slicing with me.