Getting the Spiritual Wind Knocked Outta me

by admin on March 21, 2013

Recently, I had the spiritual wind knocked out of me so hard that I almost lost my ability to inhale. I almost lost my connection to my divine spark.

What happened? Well, it’s complex, multidimensional and involves the very real existence of energetic shadows (whose importance I write about in my forthcoming book), but essentially, my deepest darkest fears were channeled through a person I trusted inherently. This person, who was my primary source of external spiritual support during my 3 rough years in the Red Tent, sincerely told me that my spiritual truth I had written an entire book about was actually untrue. More than that, it bordered on “evil.” This happened during the very last week I had to make changes in my book before it would be published.

It was a severe blow to my particular Achilles heel.

For days, I looked and felt like one of those cartoon characters that got run over by a Mack Truck. I couldn’t eat or sleep or think straight. I didn’t know if what I had devoted my entire life to was an epic delusion. I didn’t know if I should kill the book I had risked everything to birth. I didn’t know my up from my down, my right from my wrong. I didn’t trust myself.

So, I went to counselors, girlfriends, my partner, my family, my old journals and the trees with this prayer:

“Help me see my truth.”

While wonderfully supportive and nurturing, no one or nothing outside of me could tell me my truth, of course.

And so, I went within.

Where I didn’t just re-ignite my divine spark,

I Encountered my Core Essence (the Source of my divine spark)

I was Red Gold Divinity Shining Freely. I wasn’t trying to prove anything or convert anyone. I was just Being mySelf, naturally.

From this Perspective I Understood that for me at this time there is no “right” or “wrong.”

There is only this question:

Am I expressing my divine truth as I know and experience it now?

My honest human answer: Yes. I AM. To the best of my ever-evolving ability.

And so I decided to continue on my unique path and allow my possibly “evil” book to be published. After all, my subtitle is “A Heretic’s Love Story.”

Why am I sharing this divine drama with you? Because there are countless perilous pitfalls on this modern unpaved path to igniting our divine sparks, but one of the most common pitfalls is actually a very subtle habit of trusting a beloved spiritual teacher, shaman, psychic, spirit guide, therapist, coach, self-help guru or even a trusted girlfriend’s experience, truth or reality over our own.

While it kicked my ass harder than an elephant on steroids, I am grateful for this cosmic challenge. I’ve grown stronger, humbler and even more aware of just how imperative it is to trust our divine sparks no matter what others believe or how hard we’re hit.


Don’t be fooled by the glitter. It takes serious vaginas to ignite our divine sparks and to keep them lit in a world of shadows that encourage us to distrust Who we are, to stay small, quiet, lost, spiritually-correct, disempowered and constantly reaching outwards for that which can only be found within.


I’ll be honest, I’m also sharing this because I’ve been looking around at all the wonderful things currently being offered to you — all the tantalizing teleclasses, programs, workshops, books and conferences that promise to make you: happier, sexier, more attractive, more feminine, manifesty (yes, I just made that word up), confident, abundant, successful, etc.

And then I look in the mirror.

And I see a woman who does not exactly reflect all of the above. In fact, she looks like she’s been through a battle, the toughest battle of her life. But she is alive. She is awake. She is real. She is In Love. And, she has her goddamn priorities straight. She has her Self. And, she is looking for sisters who are willing to be them Selves alongside her.


The Red Book Teleclass: Ignite Your Divine Spark

April 2nd – May 7th, 2013

6 Tuesdays

5:30 pm – 6:45 pm PST

(if you miss a call you can download the mp3 of the class the next day)

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