PLPTSD

by admin on January 30, 2014

PLPTSD (past life post-traumatic stress disorder) is a mo fo. Recently, a lovely friend innocently sent me a link to a Catholic blog thread about me and Red Hot and Holy. A few of the comments I read: I’m a heretic (well, that is my subtitle), a polluter of the Catholic faith, a false teacher here to mislead the masses, aka: the devil incarnate. While these aren’t the worst critiques I’ve ever read about myself, they were the first critiques I’ve read from a specifically Catholic group.

While my mind responded with professional cool, “they have every right to share their perspectives,” and my ego shrugged, “eh, it’s just a short thread on a small catholic site,” and my red hot and holy heart stayed open and I even chuckled a bit…

interestingly, within a few minutes after reading the thread my head started to spin, my stomach churned, and my body went numb with terror. I couldn’t speak. I went into full-blown full-body trauma. For hours.

While highly uncomfortable, I was able to witness it with some amazement, respect, not too mention a heaping dose of humble pie. I thought I was finally over that particular holy hurdle and then wham – something “outside” of me triggers another layer of it that is still “stuck” in my system…needing release.

So, I have to stop everything. Surrender to what is happening. Be willing to follow the red thread back back and back…till my Soul stops me at its root…

Here.
Look.
Feel.
Remember.

Not just what was going on physically (usually a shit storm), but what was wanting/aching/yearning to be present spiritually (in the shit storm).

Love.
Her.
With Me.
Never Leaving Me Alone.

If I can retrace, rewind, re-experience, re-do… with Her -

We begin to heal. Back Together Again.

And then I can get up off the floor and wiggle my hips, eat some mashed potatoes to settle my tummy, watch a comedy to free my rib cage, and soldier on.

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